“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”
Bereavement is often used synonymously with "grief" and "mourning," yet the three terms, while complementary, are distinct terms used at different times during a loss.
“Bereavement” comes from an Old English term meaning “to be deprived of" or "to be torn apart from." It is the feeling that something has been taken away from you, or there is now a hole in your life where once there was something meaningful and loved.
“Grief” is related to the internal — how we feel and process a loss. It's the emotions and feelings and thoughts that walk with us. Grief can be useful if listened to and not ignored. When grief is overlooked or repressed, it often resurfaces elsewhere in our lives.
“Mourning” is the external expression of grief — how we share and show it outwardly to others.
When a death occurs, there is a void and a feeling of emptiness that follows, especially when funeral services are over. Those around you may return to their routines before your life has stabilized. As you move through grief and mourning, healing can seem distant.
It is at this point that seeking human comfort and warmth — through friends, family, or professionals — becomes crucial.
Every pain is unique
Since every human being is different, each person will experience pain in their own way. How you interpret the world shapes how you grieve — and how you grieve will, in turn, shape how you live going forward.
There’s no timeline for grief. A loss accompanies you throughout life, but with time, you learn to live with it and build a new identity around it.
There is no “right way” to grieve
One of the best-known acronyms for grief is D.A.B.D.A. — Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance — as popularized by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. It can appear linear, but grief rarely is. You may experience moments of acceptance followed by anger or sadness. This is all normal.
(Note: Kübler-Ross developed this model for terminally ill patients confronting their mortality, not for those grieving a loss.)
Regardless of how you grieve, the Funeral Co-operative of Ottawa offers resources to accompany you during this period.
"By Your Side"
A tool for support in bereavement offered exclusively by funeral cooperatives
Losing a loved one is among the most difficult trials in life. Those who have experienced this know how vital support is during grief. Funeral cooperative staff and volunteers witness daily the emotions surrounding death and loss. That is why they created By Your Side — a series of four instalments designed to continue supporting bereaved families.
Each instalment contains:
- Coaching for every stage of bereavement
- Interviews with major Quebec authors and specialists
- Personal accounts from people of all ages
- Practical exercises for moving forward
- Resources: books, groups, professional help
- Tips and advice
- Simple, accessible, and concrete information about bereavement
Further Resources
To access our growing list of resources that can help you during your mourning period, click here.